allisrightnow

Sun, 30 Jan 2005 23:24:59 GMT

I remember when my mother asked me if I would bring his clothes to the funeral home. I was glad to do it. This might sound weird, but I wasn't glad to bring the last set of clothing that my pops would wear to him. I was glad just to be able to help my mother. I remember her explaining the suit and why she picked it. She said, "He looked so good in this suit. This is his dress shirt and tie and his dress socks. I didn't put his dress shoes in with the outfit though. The man hated to wear dress shoes cause they hurt his feet so I am not going to bury him in those things!"
Something tells me that that was not her decision, but one he was just able to convey to her through their incredible connection.
I remember listening to a cd that was in the cd player in his truck as I drove to the funeral home. It reminded me of how much he and my mom loved each other and it made me cry so much. It was an old bluegrass song I remember from my childhood...
Oh Elizabeth
I long to see your pretty face
I long to kiss your lips
I long to feel your warm embrace
Don't know if I could ever live this life without you
Oh Elizabeth
I'm sure missing you

Dad,
I miss you so much and I hope I'm doing right by you.
I miss you everyday.

Sun, 03 Oct 2004 16:59:16 GMT

I remember when he took his last breath. I had never seen anything like it. Just a long sigh. All I could do is watch. I saw the color change almost instantly. A grayish-pink fading to a grayish-blue to a grayish-white.
I remember looking at the alarm clock. It was 11:38pm on March 13th. Hospice did not arrive until after Midnight so he was pronounced as dead on the 14th.
I was there. I watched him die at 11:38pm on the 13th of March.
I was there.

Tue, 28 Sep 2004 20:11:26 GMT

I remember the last 36 hours before he passed away. I mean, I remember the whole 20 months he fought for his life, but, especially, the last 36 hours. I remember that my brother and I had to carry him from the bathroom to his bed because he was too weak to walk. My mother tucked him in and told him she loved him. He said,"I love you more." That was their thing.
From there he would fall asleep never to regain consciousness. Within hours Death-Rattle would start. Death-rattle is a breathing where the lungs start to fill with fluid. When this starts,a person is, literally, hours from death. It is the most horrendous sound to listen to. Like the person is trying to breath in tar. We heard this for 36 hours.
At times, I can close my eyes and picture him. He was laying on his back, his right leg bent slightly, and his head cocked to the right with his neck bent downward. His mouth was open with his tongue slightly over his bottom teeth, but not hanging over his lip. I can hear his breathing.
I still hear him breathing.